It’s easy to become distracted during sex. Performance anxiety, relationship conflict, and even daily life stresses can make one’s mind wander from the physical interaction. And simply “going through the motions” can make sex less satisfying for both partners.
Sexual mindfulness involves complete attention to the sexual encounter itself without giving in to any distractions or judgments. All focus is on what is happening in the here and now.
For example, a sexually mindful person might focus on the following sensations:
- the softness of a partner’s skin
- the sensation of a partner’s caress
- the sound of a partner’s breath or whispers
- the sight of a partner’s clothing or body
- the scent of a partner’s body
- the taste of a partner’s body
If a distracting thought occurs, the person re-focuses his or her attention back to the pleasurable sensations of the present moment. It’s also important to be non-judgmental while being sexually mindful.
How effective is sexual mindfulness? A 2019 study published in the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy, reported that the practice may improve overall sexual satisfaction (especially for women) along with relationships and self-esteem, at least in midlife adults. (Learn more about the study here.)
The study authors recommended further study in different age groups, LGBTQ individuals, and racially/ethnically mixed groups.
Sexual mindfulness is similar to another sex therapy technique called sensate focus, during which couples focus on mutual touch, gradually building intimacy and trust.
However, sexual mindfulness can be developed with or without a partner.
It can take some time and practice to develop sexual mindfulness, but many people find it’s worth a try. If you’d like to learn more, talk to your doctor about a referral to a sex therapist.
For more information on sex therapy, see these links:
What are sex therapists? What do they do?
What happens during sex therapy?
How does one find a sex therapist?
Resources
Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy
Leavitt, Chelom E. et al.
“The role of sexual mindfulness in sexual wellbeing, Relational wellbeing, and self-esteem”
(Full-text. Published online: March 12, 2019)
https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/0092623X.2019.1572680?scroll=top&needAccess=true
Psychology Today
Mintz, Laurie, PhD
“Mindful Sex Is Mind Blowing Sex”
(November 12, 2017)
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/stress-and-sex/201711/mindful-sex-is-mind-blowing-sex
PsyPost.org
Dolan, Eric W.
“Study finds mindful people are happier with their sex life”
(March 6, 2019)
https://www.psypost.org/2019/03/study-finds-mindful-people-are-happier-with-their-sex-life-53272
SexHealthMatters.org
“Sensate Focus”
(October 1, 2014)
https://www.sexhealthmatters.org/sex-health-blog/sensate-focus