Older adults may have active, healthy sex lives. Openness to new approaches is often key to thriving sexually.
The physical process of aging can make certain aspects of sex more challenging than they used to be. For example, women may have trouble with vaginal lubrication after menopause. Men might not achieve erections as quickly or firmly as they did when they were younger. Both men and women might need more time to become aroused or to reach orgasm. Other conditions, like arthritis, might make some sexual positions uncomfortable.
However, these challenges usually have solutions, and having an open, honest conversation with your partner and doctor are great first steps.
This is also a good time to talk to your partner about exploring new ways to be intimate. Here are some ideas:
- Talk about new sexual activities you’ve been wanting to try. For example, if you’ve been curious about sex toys, learn about them together online.
- Discuss your sexual fantasies or try role playing games.
- Watch romantic movies or read erotica together.
- Go on dates if you can. Attend a concert or take a day trip to a place you’ve been wanting to visit.
- Hugging, kissing, holding hands, massage, and slow dancing can all be intimate activities, too.
For those without a partner, starting new relationships can be daunting, especially if one is dating again after ending a long marriage or grieving the death of a spouse. Staying active in one’s social circle, participating in group activities, or trying a new hobby or class are all ways to find a new partner. Internet dating websites are another option.
For some, loneliness, depression, and negative body image can become obstacles to meeting new partners. Counseling may help.
Safe sex is just as important for older adults as it is for younger ones. However, older adults may not be as savvy about modern-day safe sex practices as their younger counterparts. Some feel that if a woman is past menopause, no protection is necessary since she cannot become pregnant. And some are not as aware of modern-day STIs, which may not have been as prominent when they were starting their first sexual relationships years ago.
Older people may also be more susceptible to STIs because of weakened immune systems or, in the case of women, thinner vaginal tissues that can tear.
Many older people have not actively dated for many years, and it’s not unusual to feel anxiety over modern social conventions. Who pays for dinner? When is it appropriate to kiss? When should you sleep together?
Partners may feel awkward discussing sexual histories or testing for STIs. They may disagree about condom use and fear rejection or conflict. Cultural traditions and norms may prevent certain discussions from taking place.
If you feel comfortable doing so, ask your single peers how they handle dating scenarios. It’s also okay to tell your partner if you haven’t dated in a while, and you’re feeling nervous. There’s a good chance they have similar concerns.
Resources
HealthDay
Stein, Loren, MA
“Sex and Seniors: The 70-Year Itch”
(Last updated: January 1, 2020)
National Institute on Aging
“Sexuality in Later Life”
(Content reviewed: November 2017)
https://www.nia.nih.gov/health/sexuality-later-life
Psychology Today
Castleman, Michael, MA
“Older Adults Reveal What Produces Great Sex”
(April 1, 2020)