How might a partner’s response affect a woman who has pain with intercourse?

Painful intercourse, also called dyspareunia, is a troubling situation for couples who want to share sexual intimacy. For women, it can have a variety of causes, including poor lubrication, emotional issues, and medical conditions like ovarian cysts. Sometimes, the cause isn’t easy to pinpoint or discuss, leading to avoidance of sex and problems in the relationship.

Two recent studies have examined how a man’s response to a woman’s sexual pain affects her experience of that pain.

The first study involved couples with women who suffered from provoked vestibulodynia (PVD) – chronic pain in the region that surrounds the opening of the vagina. For women with PVD, any pressure on that area be painful, making intercourse difficult.

Some male partners were solicitous. They were supportive and sympathetic, asking how they could help with the pain. Some suggested avoiding the pain by stopping sexual activity.

Other partners were facilitative. They were more likely to encourage women to cope with the pain. Some told their partners they were glad she was still having sex and sharing intimacy.

The researchers found that women with solicitous partners tended to have more intense pain than those with facilitative partners. Women with facilitative partners were also more likely to feel sexually satisfied.

It’s possible that solicitous responses could make women avoid sex and become more fearful of pain. Facilitative responses that fostered coping could help women think of the pain as manageable.

The second study looked at partner responses to women who had entry dyspareunia – pain at the start of penetration. The researchers specifically looked at two male partner behaviors: catastrophizing and partner-perceived self-efficacy.

Catastrophizing occurs when someone expects a negative outcome to be catastrophic. Self-efficacy is the confidence a person has in his or her ability to complete a task. For this study, partner-perceived self-efficacy referred to a man’s thoughts on how his partner viewed her own confidence to have sex.

The researchers found that women had more pain if their partners catastrophized more and had lower levels of partner-perceived self-efficacy. It’s possible that these conditions made the women more aware of their pain.
Fortunately, couples facing dyspareunia can get help. Medical treatments are available for women experiencing pain. However, addressing the situation as a couple can be quite valuable, too. Some couples find sex therapy helpful, as a therapist can offer strategies for communication and other forms of intimacy. A therapist can also help the couple work through any relationship problems that may result from dyspareunia.