If you have a physical disability, you may have certain concerns about sexuality and intimacy. Here are some actions you can take to make sex and dating more satisfying.
- Educate yourself and your partner. Find out as much as you can about your disability and ways of being sexual. Ask your healthcare provider for suggestions and resources. You might also check online forums or support groups for people with disabilities to find out how others work through particular issues.
- Be open with your partner. New relationships are exciting, but they can also be a little awkward if two people are new to each other. You might need to take it slow at first while you get used to each other. Let them know what is comfortable and what feels good (and what does not). Encourage them to tell you what they like as well.
- Make your own discoveries. Masturbation (“solo sex”) can be a great way to get to know your body and discover what feels most exciting to you. You can also try out sex toys, like vibrators, this way.
- Be open to new ideas. Try different activities, positions, and sexual aids to find out what works best for your situation. See this as a positive journey, as you and your partner explore the possibilities together.
- Plan ahead. You might need to make certain arrangements for sexual activity ahead of time. For example, you might need to tell a caregiver or attendant that you need private time. Or you might need to make sure that certain products, like lubricants, pillows, cushions, are available and easy to access.
Also consider the best time of day for sexual activity. Do you feel more rested in the morning? Are your medications more effective in the afternoon or evening? Planning ahead may seem less spontaneous: however, you and your partner may think of it as a “date” to look forward to.
- Socialize. Are you interested in meeting new partners? You can do so through friends, family, social clubs, volunteering, or online dating sites. Consider when you will tell a new partner about your disability. There is no right or wrong time – just what is most comfortable for you.
- See a therapist if you need to. Managing a disability can be a challenge. In addition to your physical health, you might struggle with body image, self-esteem, relationship conflict, anxiety, or depression. Seeing a counselor can help you work through those issues.
Resources
Better Health Channel (Department of Health & Human Services, State Government of Victoria, Australia)
“Disability and sexuality”
(Last updated: October 2020)
https://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/health/ServicesAndSupport/disability-and-sexuality
CMAJ
Burr, William
“Sexuality of the disabled often overlooked”
(March 22, 2011)
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3060204/
SexHealthMatters.org
“Adjusting to Spinal Cord Injury”
(July 27, 2011)
https://www.sexhealthmatters.org/sex-health-blog/adjusting-to-spinal-cord-injury